Times a changin...

So, Following the time spent with Family in San Jose for Christmas, etc, I went up to the Russian River with my friend Jennifer and her family. They have a house right on the river. It was coooold (spoiled bay area girl), but so nice to be away from this concrete jungle (Especially after being in Suburbia for a few days. I hate parking lots and strip malls more than i can say). Anyway... We were taking a hike one day in the redwoods- Beautiful, amazing trees and life that I don't get to see too often. now, this may be the itty-bitty hippy in me coming out, but I felt so at peace, so grounded. Connected to my surroundings, yes. But, even more so, actually connected with myself. Finally, all of the BS of the city, and the holidays, and artificial shit in life was stripped away, and I was able to just be. Now, at that exact moment, as I was saying all of this to myself in my head, my fita do Salvador (miracle ribbon from brazil) fell off. I have had this on since my second day in Salvador, Bahia in August 2008. It is something that I have come to notice and acknowledge on a daily basis since then. It became a part of me. As seen in this photo, it became part of everything.



I knew it was going to fall off, but when it actually did, I was completely taken off guard, and shocked. It hurt, I felt winded when I realized what had happened, as I held it in my hands. I thought back to the wishes I had made when I first got the ribbon, and it actually made some sense that it had fallen off when it did. I remember one wish having to do with being happy with me being me and another having to do with travel and adventure. Now, Over this year, I feel that I have done a lot of work in both areas, and am actually really happy with the outcome of both. However, I think that the travel/adventure section is yet to be finished.

Nonetheless, I feel really heartbroken over this. This was my on-going connection to the amazing life and love of Salvador. Yes, i have the tattoo in the same place to have a forever reminder of this amazing place and the amazing experience I had there. But, this was something tangible, fragile, that was still there. It made it seem so close, still. Like, It had just happened and I could still picture it all in my head, so vividly. But, now that it has fallen off a year and a half later, the length in time seems more real. And it hurts. Still. It makes me realize that I can;t keep holding on to something to make it feel like its still there. Rather, if I want it there, I need to make it be there.

Anyway, Happy belated Holiday season to the (non existent) people that browse through this from time to time. I have to say, 2009 was good to me. I'm sad its over, because it means time is moving toooooo fast. And I'm a bit sad I didn't do more during it. but... I did a lot, so I can't complain.

Highlights of '09
-First running race
-New York Trip
-Performing in CubaCaribe
-Pink hair
-Special Olympics
-Bruddy's Purple Heart Ceremony
-Finally trying to learn to Salsa dance
-Fixing my record player!
-Committing to my bicycle
-First Critical Mass
-4th of july at Dolores park!
-Sunbathing at the Russian River
-Yoga
-Learning Spanish
-Couchsurfing through Mexico
-Mexican Rockabilly and mi tatuaje de un calavera de azucar
-Turning 25
-Dancing with Tania Santiago and Aguas Da Bahia
-Tap dancing independently
-Crazy Awesome birthday bash(es)
-Kicking coffee for 2 weeks, then getting right back on it
-Holiday cooking and baking with my niece
-Russian River in the cold
-Me being Me











Thats all I can think of right now. I really can't complain about not doing everything. I did a whoooooole lot. And am happy about all of it.

I will end this by saying that I can't wait for 2010. Its gonna be awesome!!

Another year of adventure, dance, and musical obsessions. On that note...

Baile!

So, here I am. Just getting home from a dress rehearsal at Dance Mission with Aguas Da Bahia (afro brazilian). Its after midnight... I got to the space at 5pm, and I need to get up in less than 6 hours to go to work. My ankle is swollen, my body hurts, and I really need to sleep. But, I cannot complain about one damn thing. I was taking BART home tonight, and as I walking up the stairs to street level... I realized how freakin' lucky I am. I am doing what I love. Dancing, performing, living. Caffeine will get me through tomorrow morning, and Ice will soothe my ankle for a bit. Being able to do what I love, I wouldn't trade for the world.

Ok. I just really had to share. Now, sleeeeeeeeep!

So, I was supposed to go to a dance party tonight.... but, instead, gave into fuzzy sucks, tea, and netflix. This is what happens when I get home from an evening rehearsal and get all cozy-like.

So, I've been somewhat M.I.A. lately... more like busy-bee. But, all good things.
-My Brazilian company has a full weekend show at Dance Mission in less than 3 weeks!
-I have my first 'self representing' solo tap performance this weekend!

A few weeks back, I set my mind to finding solo tap performances, and within a week, I got one! I am soooo ridiculously excited. This is the first time I have ever done a performance in which I will be representing myself. So, naturally, I decided to create a new piece with a bit of music in the beginning. Needless to say, I have been working my ass off trying to get it done and polished ASAP. Creating a tap piece from scratch takes a lot of time... its a bit like writing a song- different rhythms, tempos, layers... all have to fit together. So, with just a couple of weeks and very limited access to a studio, my creative/rhythmic process has been really rushed. But, all will be well (awesome).

http://www.danceforanotherday.com/index.html

I'm listed as one of the performers. Just me! Yay!!

I like making things happen. It just feels so good.

And now my musical love...



I miss Mexico more than I can say.

Welcome to Grown up-ville

Many things have happened in the past month... Highlights include:

-new bangs
-minor knee injury
-many dance parties
-My roomie began packing to move across the country
-Officially entering my mid-twenties

For some reason, being 25 makes me feel like a "real adult." I loved 24, and I know I'm going to love 25. But, I feel a need to make things happen a bit more, if that makes sense... And I'm really okay with that. My 25th year celebration(s) was awesome! So much fun, such great people, lots of music and love! The kids/co-workers having a party for me was so great. And the other dance party, drink having, jukebox times were epic! Wow, i love my friends.

My 25th year comes with a 'while I'm 25' to-do list. Included on the list are:
-Improving my spanish (a lot)
-Throwing out a bunch of crap I never use
-Perform more
-Making my bed everyday
-Living in another country

I also want to be a lot more pro-active. but thats just a general idea. I really feel like this is my year to explore the world a bit more. I had a convo with a friend the other night... after a few drinks, we really knew what we were talking about (obviously). We got to talking about things we want to do in life, and she said 'I don't think the love of my life is in this state.' I replied with, very casually 'I don't think the love of my life is in this country.' Without even really thinking about it... it just came out, and I totally meant it. And I didn't know how much I meant it until that moment. (Not to say that I am actively searching for a person who is the love of my life, I'm not. I'm talking more... the act of experiencing life). So... its going to happen, and I cannot freakin' wait.

On a side note...

I can't stop watching 90210 on Hulu (thanks, Kate). Its just the best.

My current theme song. <3

Musical Obsession #1,898

A Monday Monday, false anticipation, coffee date, and new choreography. All done with this in the background.

Coming in Mid-October...

San Francisco Love Affair

Based on this weekend's activities alone... a few reasons I absolutely ADORE this city by the bay...

-Dance Dance Dance from all over the world
-Indian Summer
-Awesome garage doors
-Movie in the Park night (thank you, Heath Ledger)
-Brown bags and friends
-Zeitgeist
-Game night
-purple carrots

Because I want to elaborate a bit...

I know the Haitians are in town when I have a hard time getting out of bed or walking up stairs. Yes, yonvalou like I never knew possible and everything is atleast done 2 feet lower than most would consider 'low.' And this is the kind if stuff I live for... For reference... see here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=254tPKsYnTc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IHHet-7_PA&feature=related

Sometimes i wish i was a bit more tech savvy... but at the same time, i don't really care. Flash back to a scene at movie night... They were displaying the date and time for the next movie showing. We decide to make it a picnic, and take down the info... my friends pull out their Iphones... I pull out my mini notepad and pen. I'm okay with this... I like to write.

And now to cancel out any street cred I've ever had.... this makes me smile.

Laughing out loud... in public, again.

I have a bad habit of forgetting that I am in public... Yes, yes. i am that girl that sings along with her Ipod, or shimmies a bit with that Brenton Wood tune, convinced no one else can see me. Until I notice people looking at me awkwardly... don't mind it much, just saying.

So, today on the bus ride home, the following article made me laugh laugh laugh. Crazy looks and all, I just couldn't stop. Thank you SF weekly. And Dan Savage.

I have been in a stable poly relationship for 20 years. A good friend of mine knows this but rejects poly as a lifestyle choice for himself. He is in a "monogamous" relationship now. But he is willing to cheat on his girlfriend—with me if I wanted, but I'm not keen. My question is this: Why would someone pick cheating when they know about open or poly relationships? I don't understand. I don't see the logic in it.
—Honest Open Poly Eros

Isn't it obvious? Your friend wants to have sex with other people, HOPE, but he doesn't want his girlfriend having sex with other people. What I don't understand is why an honest poly can be friendly with a dishonest cheater. That's like an out gay person being friends with a tormented closet case—where's the logic in that?
And this has nothing to do with your question, HOPE, but I've got a little space to kill: The Bell Shoals Baptist Church in Brandon, Florida, made the news last week when its pastor replaced the megachurch's 10 Pepsi vending machines with 10 Coke machines. The pastor felt that Pepsi was far too supportive of—can you guess?—"the gay lifestyle."
What I found most remarkable about this story wasn't the stupidity—more on that in a moment—but the fact that a single church in Florida has 10 soda-pop vending machines. Ten! You would think the good Christians at Bell Shoals could make it through an hour or two on a Sunday without a cold can of corn syrup.
And psst… Bell Shoals? Coke supports gay rights, too. Your best gay-hatin' soda-pop option may be ZamZam Cola. It was a subsidiary of Pepsi, true, but that was before the Islamic Revolution. Made in Iran, ZamZam Cola is the most popular soft drink in Saudi Arabia, and I'm guessing the good folks at ZamZam don't like the gays any more than you do. But if the "soft drink of the Hajj" doesn't appeal to you, Bell Shoals, how about asking your parishioners to go without soda pop for an hour a week?

Hulu Hulu... I love you..

I just got back from Afro Brazilian, first time in over month as I was away for awhile, and my director just got back from Brazil. Nothing like live drumming, dripping in sweat, and minor whip lash to make a tuesday night.

I like finding things that make my nights. Or days. or things i just like in general. Something that has been making my nights lately, I can conveniently enjoy from exactly where I am. Now... I don't have cable, nor do I watch too much TV. In other words, I tend to be way behind and out of the loop when it comes to current stars, music, shows, etc. But, the past week I have been absolutely in love with Season 5 of The Office. Discovering Hulu has been... a lot like discovering I can have a tab at my corner market- so simple and convenient, while making me giggle a bit at the same time.

I have never worked in an office before. But, I do have many friends with many stories that form my idea of what office days are like... all taking tangible form in The Office. If you are unfamiliar... I highly suggest becoming familiar. Especially with 'Cafe Disco' from season 5. See for yourself...

http://www.hulu.com/watch/72156/the-office-cafe-disco

Hulu also enabled me to watch CryBaby... I think I have a minor website crush.

In the now, in the now....

Well...

it is now mid-september. Apparently, I am not too good at this keeping up with a blog thing...

So many stories, so much fun, so much life has happened in the past month and a half. Mexico was AMAZING. Couchsurfing change my entire trip- I would not have had the same ins as I did, and would not have had such great experiences everywhere I went. I fell in love with the country, the culture, the history, the people. I have never been surrounded by such awesome people who were way more than hospitable enough. Living with a bunch of boys in D.F., south part of Oaxaca with a bunch of locals, amazing family treating me like their own in Veracruz, and REAL family in Orizaba. Even the tattoo artist who i stumbled upon in D.F. made me a rockabilly cd just as quick as I mentioned wanting one. Just amazing people, everywhere I went. This trip reinforced my idea that if you are open and willing to accept and trust people and experiences, even if you don't know them or the city or the language, amazing things will come. And I would rather live by this, than by fear... never actually living.

My need to "find some roots" was more than fullfilled. I found that and so much more. An indesribable love for this place. Everywhere I went had a different touch. A different vibe, but all great. I finally am able to embrace this place that is part of my history. I wish i had more time. I want to go back, I NEED to go back. I need to see more, to be there longer, to have a more established existence there... for a bit. I'm working on it. As I type.

I was super depressed and in my own world for a couple weeks after getting back... I've since adjusted back to SF a bit more, remembered how amazing it is, how much I freakin' love this city. I have been making it a point to keep living in SF... while traveling, escpecially alone in a new area, you have to be in the moment. You have to see everything around you. You have to be willing to open up to people around you. But... once at home, I always get pulled into this boring routine life... more of a mindset really. I have really been trying to avoid this, and just DOING in SF, too. Group meet ups, new bars, new people... and have been loving every second of it. But... i still want to go back. I made a decision that I will no allow mnyself to be so easily influenced to do because of others... but only to do because of me. Pretty braod comment... but applies to everything. And makes a lot of sense, I think. SO far, so good.

So... in keeping with actually doing things that I want to do.... I have a pre-25 list I need to keep up (oh my god... in a little over a month, I will be a mother f'in quarter of a century). some I've already done... some I haven't (these are as of this year).. let's see-

-learn spanish
-New country*
-ride my bike across the GG bridge
-get my tap shoes fixed and choreograph a new solo piece
-actually go on a hike
-Learn to surf*

More to come... all I can think of off the top of my head.

Just a few sidenotes...
-I am currently trying to eat as vegan as possible, and have actually been doing pretty good. I just want to cut out dairy for a while... to see how I do. I guess I didn't eat much of it in the first place (except in Mexico. Damn cheese all day and all night).
-I am determined to try a new recipe every week or two. And eat out as rarely as possible, for reasons including money, domesticity, and new recipes.
-I am on a mission to ride my bike a lot more often, as a mode of transportation... finally comfortable enough to ride around the city w/o question. Next on the biking list is to do a giant city ride, photographing graffiti. And posing with them. Just for fun.
-Why is beer so damn good?

Mexico favorites:

So, in following my pattern of late night, last minute packing... I am just starting to gather my stuff together for my next adventure! Really, its not so bad this time around- I dont actually fly out until Monday, but I will be leaving SF tomorrow, as I'm flying out of San Jo and giving my room up for most of the month. So... I need to have everything packed, room ready, etc, by the morning. Oh... and learn spanish. But, why dwell on minor details..

>>Side note- I've come to the conclusion that The Meteors just might be one of the best damn bands, ever! Definitely one of the best psychobilly bands. Just sayin...

As I'm getting some stuff together, I can't help but think how big of thing this is for. I mean, yes, I travel alone pretty often, and really love it. Its strange to a lot of people, but its something that I just love doing, and hate having to explain my reasoning for it all the time- mostly because I'm made to feel like I need to justify it. But... back on topic.... This will be my first time traveling alone to another country (I basically was in Europe alone for a good chunk of time, but still had cohorts to go back to every now and then) and don't speak the language too well. Granted, my spanish has been getting a little better, and since I made this last minute decision a few days ago, I've been studying like crazy. Its just a bit... intimidating. I'm doing the couch surf thing, which actually doesn't make me nervous at all. I had my first experience with it in NY and had a kick ass time that I wouldn't have had otherwise. But, I'm actually relying on it as my means of housing while I'm traveling around. I really like the concept of it.... yes, it makes travel cheap, but even more, its a great cultural exchange. You actually get in the inside of where you are, not isolating yourself in a hotel room that really has little to do with the place youre visiting in the first place. Furthermore, it crosses over those boundaries/fears so many have when it comes to "strangers" or "foreigners" that so may focus on, even though they don't actually exist. I understand that this sort of travel is not for everyone, and in some ways can create more of an "adventure" than a vacation, but for me... its perfect. Its exactly what I'm looking for.

Even bigger than the solo/new people thing, the fact that I am even going to Mexico in the first place is pretty huge for me. In following my path to self discovery that being 24 has created for me, I decided that this was something I just needed to do. Alone. To make me feel complete, in a way. My mom is of Mexican descent, her parents were born in Mexico and immigrated here prior to starting their (large) family- making me half mexican. But, i guess, with the times being the way they were, I was raised with a very negative idea of Mexico and people of Mexican descent painted in my mind Almost raised to dislike that entire half of me. At a very early age, I decided that I would never go to Mexico, and pretty much ignored that entire part of me, because it was made to seem like such a horrible place. I know this sounds horrible, but it is the truth. And, only within the past few years, after finally willingly acknowledging this part of me, I came to the conclusion that alot of the views and opinions pushed upon me were just extremely ignorant, false ideas made up based on people's own interpretations of what they knew nothing about. I'm glad that I finally got past all of that crap, and can acknowledge it without holding back. But, now I feel its time for me to actually understand it, see it, be in it. Its one (major) thing for me to wipe these false ideas and stereotypes that were fed to me for years and years out of my head, but its not enough. I want to embrace my culture and learn to love it, for myself. I don't think I can move any further down my path of life with negative feelings toward half of me. So, like I said, I feel like this adventure will make me a little more complete. And, shit, even if I don't love it (but I WILL), atleast I'll know it a little better.

All of that being said, I am sooooo excited!! I'm flying into Mexico City, going straight my first Couch Surfing host, then after 4 days, want to head towards Oaxaca, move around there a bit, maybe surf!! Then I really want to go to Veracruz. I've heard great things about it- lots of dance, music, awesome!!

Random list of things I want to do-
Learn to make REAL mexican food
See some ruins- pyramids in Teotihuacan
Go to a Mexican Punk Rock show ****
Luchador fight...?
Surf!
Dance to Cumbia music
Real Mexican Hot Chocolate
Beach time
Learn some more spanish
Dance class! Lots of em.
Pamper myself in a hotel one night (just a must. I can do the couch thing for a long time, but I'm still a bit of a girl girl. Sometimes).

Just so much!! This is gonna be a good trip, and I am just ignoring/avoiding people's worried comments about getting fucked with because I am a woman traveling alone. I am aware that there is a somewhat risky element in going where I'm going by myself. But, I am not manifesting in any fear or worry- if you do that, then YEAH, asshole, something bad will happen. I don't want/need that negative energy put toward my time. I'll just be aware, all the time, even more than now. And have a damn good time!!!

>>"Sitting in the park... waiting for yooooo-oooooo-ooooou..." oh, thank you billy stewart<<

But, as always, when I leave SF for a chunk of time... I get a little sad. Its funny, like clockwork. I fear that I'm gonna miss out on something. This has been such an awesome summer. I think the fact that during this last school/work year I wasn't able to do much during the week really took a toll on me. I was able to do all of that this summer, and I loved it. knowing that I'm gonna have to get back into the routine makes me sad, but... Shit, I can get drunk in the mission whenever the heck I want. Dolores Park will still be there, and Ill still be able to go camping when I get back... I just miss everyone. Almost like something HUGE and AMAZING is gonna happen while I'm gone.

So, as my tired, babbling head is still working for a bit.... pack! 1 large backpack, a bag of trail mix, and a happy happy chick- recipe for awesome times!!

I love you, SF!! And all the awesome people in it!!

Just so excited...!!

Going with my summer theme of "self discovery," (what does that really mean...? I don't know either) I will be embarking on a last minute adventure, to take place super soon. I really really need to start getting things organized, cleaned, etc (as I will be subletting my room, I hope), but just can't focus. Because I'm just so excited.

Okay, now that I shared... FOCUS.

Trying to find an out... with blues in the background

I finally got my record player working... and am ridiculously obsessed with vinyl, again... Something about the scratchy background noise, BASS... its just so real. I got my hands on a super rare Stray Cats recording I've wanted on vinyl for a while. I swear, I'm like a 4 year old in a toy store when it comes to certain things. Especially when I hear a rare Buddy Holly cover. Le sigh...

So, apparently 3-4 beers puts me down for too long the following day, and makes me NEED some biscuits and fake sausage brunch from Pork Store. <3 I am a big fan of BRUNCH, but don't make it out as often as I'd like to. But, I do have to say... Pork Store is one of my favorite places to brunch. The Best Biscuits (and I love me some biscuits) and fake sausage patties. Plus some yummy mimosas (for the hair of the dog, or noon-time starters). Just a damn good place! Not as hipster filled as Boogaloo's (which, also, has some damn good biscuits. plus a wait of like 1 hr, 6 days a week). But still a rad setting with a lot of space.
>Side note< Perhaps I need to make an unofficial brunch list. Hmmm... soon to come.

So, now I'm sitting... listening to some old school blues while my mind goes crazy with "What if's..." I'm just so damn indecisive. It drives me crazy. I need to figure out what I'm doing, for the time being, but can't seem to commit to anything (which is an ongoing theme in my life, generally). I want to explore, but don't know where. Or When. Or how long... At one point can I just say f*** it... and just go? Or does thinking about this too much negate that philosophy? Maybe I just need to get over all the crap that goes through my head, and just do what it is I want. Logistics later...?

Oh well. For now, I'll just chill with Big Mama Thornton.

Go America!

"Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault."

'Say Anything' is, by far, one of my favorite cheesy love stories. John Cusack, late 80's to early 90's, may just be the love of my life. Kinda forgot how that feels...

July 5th. Random posts, random thoughts...

Yesterday was probably one of the best 4th of July celebrations I've had since I was a teenager. When I was growing up, we went to the beach every 4th of july for a birthday thing/illegal firework situation. Always so much fun. The past 4 or 5 years have not been as awesome... Lack of excitement, boyfriends drinking themselves stupid, me being all emo-like. I decided to make up for it this year- Awesome Awesome picnic with awesome awesome people at Dolores Park. Soooo good!! So much fun, so much sunshine, so much mimosa goodness (maybe a bit too much). Yummy Chocolate, too much chip eating, and board games under a blanket. Le sigh.... It made me re-realize just how much I love SF and how many awesome people are in my life.

Long awesome day, led to a strange, intro-verted night. Which is where Say Anything came into play. And now, a lazy, foggy Sunday. And Netflix. And more thinking...

I think it's time for more. I know its time for more. I really believe that there is a bigger reason for this. And I need to take it as what it is- my time. Its right now. And I can't keep ignoring it. There will always be something. Which something am I supposed to overlook...?

Starting it off....

Well...

I've wanted to start a blog for awhile. And , since I'm sitting here, last minute packing, I figured I'd start it off with a tradition of mine... blogging while rushing a few hours before getting on a plane. What can I say... I'm a sucker for stressing with bad late night T.V. and mini dance parties.

Honestly, I had every intention of packing right after rehearsal today, but got suckered into brunch and mimosas at Jennifer's house. Which turned into hours in the sun, talking in a tree house, and lots of champagne- had to take full advantage of this beautiful day in SF! BTW- I absolutely adore the lovely ladies of Alafia Dance Ensemble. I appreciate each and every one of you more than you know!

So... now I'm sitting in front of my suitcase, not knowing what to pack. I'm going to NY this time around. First time- Woohoo!! Super excited, but don't know what I need exactly. I've covered the dance clothes and shoes part (soooo much tap dancing, I cant wait!), but "real" things... figure what I don't have, I can just get there. I love my annual solo trips! I can do whatever the hell I want, when I want. Lots of urban adventures, getting lost on foot, coffee, new friends.... siiiigh. So much fun- I think everyone should give it a try! Atleast once, anyway.

Okay... now I really need to pack. Happy April!!

Also... this may not be the most exciting post, and can't promise that future posts will be much better. Just saying things as they come to mind.