At this moment in my life, I am absolutely in love with San Francisco. Its like... my significant other, if you will. Always there for me to pick me up when I'm down, always full of surprises, and basically wears a sign that says "I fear commitment." Yes, my kind of man. That being said, San Francisco has shown me some amazing things... Lots of fog, a million dinners out, more new people than I can count, crazy/barely clothed Halloween nights in the Castro (RIP), races in the Park, and bike riding through the Broadway tunnel. But, I must say, that of everything this amazing city that I call home has introduced me to, the amazing dance world has affected me more than anything. The diversity, the passion, the joy of it has shown me new worlds, new languages, and who I am really am.
Its true. This once unsure, fragile little girl who lost herself in negative thoughts, eating disorders, and fear of taking a good hard look at herself is finally not only okay with the image and thoughts that look back at her in the mirror, but is Mother f'in proud of them (Take that former me)! And I'm positive I have my boyfriend's awesome dance community to thank. Ya see... I've danced forever. Age 3... shows, rehearsals, make up I'm pretty sure I was way too young to be wearing. And this went on and on and on... but with little acknowledgment to who I was. Kinda cookie cutter, but I couldn't stop. Flash forward... my first dance class with live drumming. And that was it... HOOKED. for serious. It was like.. all those fears and little things I'd tried to hide for years seemed small. Stupid. Just let it get beat out by the rhythm and energy of the drums, and passionate movement that matched it. I was set free, and I have followed that feeling ever since.
Now, my world revolves around any kind of dance I can get my hands on... Afro-Haitian, Brazilian, Peruvian, Indian... As I've spent the past few years drowning myself in these rhythms, dances, cultures... I began to wonder, what about my roots? I was in Brazil, studying the amazing dances and rhythms in the heart of Afro-Brazilian culture, Salvador, Bahia, when a brazilian man asked me where my family was from. I replied with my "mutt" answer, throwing in French, Native American, Mexican, etc, etc... And he asked me what Mexican culture was like. And I couldn't answer. I didn't know. Something is wrong when someone from an entire different country, continent, culture knows more about the land of your Grandfather than you do. For the first time, I felt ashamed. Not for being who I am, but for not KNOWING who I am. Where I come from. Suddenly, 'Gringa' had a whole new meaning to me. Dammit! Had it not been for the love and and desire to learn about new outside cultures through dance, movement, and music, I would have never come to this realization.
And so it goes... I am diving head first into a world of travel, language barriers, culture shock, and discovery in the land of my Grandfather. Mi Abuelo. The spanish will come, the dances will be LOVED, and any fear and loneliness I come across will be milled over with dance and music of this beautiful land. Mexico, Mexico, here I come.
And so, I say to my significant other... San Francisco, thank you for showing me the joys of Happy Hour, dances from all over the world, and ME! You are amazing.
Love you always,
Vanessa <3
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